Garlic-herb pork chops with cranberry-tamarind sauce over noodles with browned butter and almonds. It’s a heck of a mouthful, isn’t it? Okay, so maybe I should have named it “Pork a la Crappy Tuesday”, but that, while shorter, doesn’t sound quite so appetizing. I realized around 5:30 yesterday that I forgot to defrost meat in advance for dinner, and so grabbed the first thing I found that could fit in our microwave for a quick defrost: pork chops. I don’t advocate defrosting meat in the microwave, mind you. The edges get rubbery, and there’s questionable food temperatures going on in there…I’d omit it in the retelling for food safety’s sake, but it’s an important part of the story.

Right…so there I stood in the kitchen, with my mind on my truck rather than my dinner (I had just gotten back from the garage, and my poor pickup needs some major – although fortuntely warranty-covered – surgery). As the pork chops spun circles in the microwave, I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do for dinner. It’s been a few months since our last major supply run (yes, we shopone a quarter or so for staples. We have a large freezer, a pantry that takes up most of our dining room, and we’re weird like that.) and so whatever I put together was bound to be some sort of refrigerator velc…er, refrigerator hook-and-loop tape. This is probably more accruately pantry velcro, but that’s neither here nor there.

Hm. Perhaps I should have called this Parenthetical Comments and Tangents Pork. Anyway…Ding goes the pork. I start with a basic dredge-and-fry, add a little citrus, a little egg noodle goodness, a little crunch…what started out as “WTF is for dinner?!?!” ended up as a plate of balanced flavors and yum.

I know that my pantry is a bit unique, and that many folks out there won’t happen to have tamarind paste, a handful of almonds, and rubbed sage just lying around, but experiment with what you do have! (Or make this as written…it’s quite tasty.) Kitchen experimentation can lead to Dishes of Awesome (like this), meals that are rather mediocre (I made hot dog and pea risotto once), and occasionally some spectacular failures…but you don’t find the Dishes of Awesome unless you try.

Garlic-Herb Pork Chops with Cranberry-Tamarind Sauce over Noodles with Browned Butter and Almonds

Ingredients:

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon garlic powder, divided
• 3 teaspoons dried tarragon, crushed, divided
• 1/2 teaspoon rubbed sage
• 1/2 teaspoon finely ground black pepper
• 6 boneless pork chops
• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• 5 tablespoons butter, divided
• 8 ounces egg noodles
• 1/4 cup chopped or slivered almonds
• 2 teaspoons seasoning salt
• 1/2 cup jellied cranberry sauce
• 2 tablespoons tamarind paste
• 1/2 cup dark rum

Place flour, 1 tablespoon garlic powder, 1 teaspoon tarragon, sage, and black pepper in a shallow bowl or large zip-top bag and stir or shake to combine. Dredge pork chops in seasoned flour; set aside. Preheat oven to its lowest setting (ours goes to 190°) and place a piece of heavy-duty aluminum foil on the top rack. Set a large pot of salted water to boil.

Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a large sauté pan over medium-low heat. Add vegetable oil. Add three pork chops and cook until browned on one side; flip and cook until just brown on the other side. Remove to foil in warm oven and repeat with remaining chops. Add noodles to boiling water and cook until just al-dente.Drain.

Heat cranberry sauce in a small pot set over low heat. Whisk occasionally. When cranberry sauce has melted and is smooth, remove from heat and stir in tamarind, remaining tarragon, and rum. Return to the stove and increase heat to medium-high. Cook, stirring frequently, until alchol has evaporated and sauce begins to thicken slightly. Remove from heat and set aside to cool to room temperature.

Over low heat, melt the remaining butter in the pan used to cook the pork. Increase heat slightly and cook until butter begins to brown. Add almonds and toss. Add drained noodles and toss to combine. Increase heat to medium-high and cook for 3-5 minutes or until noodles begin to color. (Take care not to burn the almonds.) Add seasoned salt and remaining garlic just before serving.

To plate, place pork chops on a bed of almond noodles and drizzle with sauce. Serve immediately.

This is what fruitcake aspires to be – moist, fruity, and flavorful, without a hint of gummy, odd-colored candied bits. I love experimenting with different teas in this recipe – Earl Grey for a hint of bergamot, chai for extra spice, and herbal lemon teas have all been successes for me (although not all at once!)

When Mer tried this bread, she thought it tasted like something that the British Colonialists would enjoy when doing business in Colonial India: from that point on, we’ve called this our “Imperial bread”.

Dried currants can be found in the grocery store with the raisins and other dried fruits, and they’re a great pantry staple – I like them in place of raisins in oatmeal and other hot cereal.

Tea and Currant Breakfast Bread

Ingredients:

• 1 cup packed brown sugar (dark or light)
• 1 1/2 cups strongly brewed tea of your choice (chai or other spiced teas work well)
• 3/4 cup dried currants
• 2/3 cup raisins
• 2 teaspoons brandy or rum
• 2 tablespoons melted butter
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons grated lemon zest
• 2 tablespoons grated orange zest
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• heavy pinch salt
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease and line two loaf pans. In a medium bowl, whisk brown sugar and hot tea until sugar is dissolved. Stir in currants, raisins, and rum, and allow to set for 2 hours or until fruits are plump and mixture hass cooled. Add butter and egg, mixing well. Set aside.

Combine remaining ingredients in a large bowl and whisk well to combine. Pour wet mixture into dry and stir until just incorporated. Divide evenly between prepared pans and bake for 50 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean. Cool completely before cutting.

Serves 12-16.

Ahoy, me hearties! Today be the grandest holiday ever yanked out of Poseidon’s bloomers, Talk Like A Pirate Day! Never a day more timbers be shivered, more ‘lubbers are landed, or more men blown down than this. We have a mighty good spread below decks for ye SRSLY fans, with a properly piratical theme to keep ye scurvy dogs sails full on yer day o’ swashbucklin’! Avast, hold true, and may ye live the good life in the sweet trade, matey’s!

SRrrrrSLY Scallywag Stew

Ingredients:

• 2 pounds pork, cubed
• 2 parsnips, roughly chopped
• 1 pound dried navy beans, rinsed and checked for stones
• 4 ounces dried cherries (unsweetened if you can find them), roughly chopped
• 2 tablespoons whole black peppercorns, cracked with the side of your knife
• 1 1/2 cups rum
• 1 1/2 cups chicken or ham stock (or both… or vegetable. Doesn’t really matter.)
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
• 1 teaspoon whole cloves
• 1/2 teaspoon cardamom seeds

Regular method: Heat your soup pot to medium high, sear your pork cubes on all sides, about a minute per side. Reduce heat to medium, and deglaze your pot with stock, whisking to get all the brown bits off the bottom. Add all your ingredients, and simmer covered 3 to 4 hours, or until the beans are done.

SRSLY method: combine all ingredients in a zip-top bag and freeze. To serve, heat in slow cooker on low for 6 to 8 hours.

Served over hardtack, or barring that, biscuits will do too.

This recipe was cross-posted from our sister site, Living Behind the Curve. For more information about the “Slow Cooking Really Simplifies Life, Yo. (SRSLY)” method, click here.

Image by Cainmark

In 2001 (or so the date of the email tells me), I was subscribed to an email list entitled “Disgusting Drink of the Month” through the now-defunct Emazing.com. For some reason, I printed that June’s drink, and it has been mixed in to my recipe file ever since. This drink uses enough different types of booze to make up for last week’s non-alcoholic drink, and then some.

Passed Out Naked on the Bathroom Floor

Ingredients:

• 1/4 ounce peppermint schnapps
• 1/4 ounce Jägermeister
• 1/4 ounce gold tequila
• 1/4 ounce Bacardi 151

Combine all ingredients in a shot glass, and “prepare your innards for a feeling that goes a little beyond warm and fuzzy”, or so says June 2001′s Disgusting Drink of the Month newsletter.

Serves one.